Haters will always be haters; there is no way to avoid angry people who are determined and wish to spread their toxicity.
Nobody can make you feel a certain way. Your reactions are created within you.
I know it doesn't always feel like that, and there's no denying we can all get triggered. But the key is not to give your power away, especially to someone who isn't worth it.
Recognize that you ultimately get to decide how you want to react.
Avoid blaming someone else. Otherwise, you always put your happiness at the mercy of how others act.
Take a breath or two
Breath is crazy powerful in stressful situations.
Research has shown that breathwork can change how we feel when carried away by strong emotions.
Don't take it personally.
It usually feels pretty darn personal when someone does or says something out of line. But reminding yourself that it's not can help you to stay in control.
In reality, everything about someone else's behavior says something about them, not you.
A considerable amount of freedom comes to you when you take nothing personally.
Ask whether you'd rather be right or happy.
Another good way to shift your mindset to stay in control is to ask yourself this simple question:
Is it better to be right or happy?
Because actually, the ultimate f**k you to send to someone is always to go on and be happy.
People create misery. Don't create your own by getting dragged into something that doesn't matter.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't have boundaries or stick up for yourself. But it does mean you don't let yourself spiral down into something that will only make you feel worse, not the other person.
Shift your energy
Ok, so you're trying desperately to rise above it all. But when you fall out with someone or someone who does something hurtful or annoying, it can seriously put you in a funk.
Try to release your frustrations in healthy ways.
- Punch a pillow
- Work up a sweat exercising
- Put on your favorite feel-good song and dance.
- Watch your favorite comedy
- Try to lighten up and lift your mood.
Putting yourself first
What's your number one goal at the moment?
Is it to buy that car you've been saving up for?
To finally start that side hustle that'll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?
Or to leap and finally ask your partner to move in?
Whatever your goals are, there's a hidden trap in how you set them.
The trap is this:
You'll only experience genuine life satisfaction when your goals are aligned with your values.
Because when values and goals are aligned, you enjoy the journey much more. And this makes achieving your goals much more likely.
If you struggle to articulate your deeper life values, I suggest downloading the free values exercise by career coach Jeanette Brown.
It takes only a few minutes and will reveal several powerful insights about your underlying values.
The belittling comeback
"Oh dear, sounds like someone is having a bad day."
It's so annoying because it's condescending, precisely how you want it to sound.
You are saying to the other person that they are coming across as stressed and unreasonable while you are high and mighty enough to rise above it all.
Laugh it off
There's nothing more infuriating when you are angry than someone else laughing.
That's why laughing it off can be the ultimate way of sending an f-you.
After they've finished their rant, they smile sweetly and say nothing. Or chuckle a little as though you find the whole thing pretty funny.
If it's over text, send a LOL or a laughing meme.
If someone is trying to get a rise out of you, don't give them the satisfaction. Nothing pushes someone's buttons quite like laughing when they want you to cry or shout.
Use sarcasm and wit
Send them a "f*ck you" and show off your wit simultaneously.
Using humor in the face of frustration can make you seem clever and classy.
Try to devise a clever comeback that puts them in their place in one sentence, then walk away.
Here's some inspiration to get you started:
- "Some people just need a high five, in the face, with a chair."
- "You hear that silence? That's the sound of me not going a damn."
- "Should I expect a sequel to your badly laid-out excuse, or is that it?"
Be assertive and clear.
Perhaps the ultimate evolved adult response is communicating how you are feeling.
Sure, throwing out a "Screw you" might not feel as fun, but it will show your maturity.
When someone oversteps your boundaries, let them know calmly and collectedly.
Briefly explain:
- What they did wrong
- The impact that it had on you
- The consequences of their actions
Something like:
"Standing me up last night wasn't good enough for me. It hurt my feelings, and I felt disrespected. I wish you all the best, but I don't want to see you again."
And straightforward with people prove what a badass you are at boundaries.
Let them sweat a little
Rather than react in the heat of the moment, give it some time.
This works well for a couple of reasons. Firstly, you let them sweat. They're unsure whether you are going to reply or if you are ignoring them.
But it also buys you time to settle the dust and decide how best to respond and what message you want to send them.
You can always drop back into their inbox at a later date with the following:
"Sorry it took me so long to reply; it was tough to give a damn."
Take the moral high ground.
Taking the moral high ground not only means you keep it classy but can be surprisingly infuriating for the person on the receiving end.
Wildly when they are behaving pretty badly.
Phrases like this can be a very subtle fu*k you:
- "I'm sorry to hear that."
- "I'm sorry you feel that way."
- "I wish you all the best."
- "Good luck in the future"
Show that you can't be dragged down to their level.
Keep it short and sweet
Short comebacks can offer you those drop-the-mic moments.
There's often no need to go overboard. The more you get drawn into something, the more you give the other person the satisfaction they've brought you.
If they send you a long rant, reply with "ok."
The tactic here is not to get involved and let things escalate.
Other effective short and straightforward responses can be:
- "Well, that was embarrassing."
- "No thanks"
- "I'd love to, but I'm busy washing my hair."
The fake display of concern
It's time to polish your halo. Because this "f*ck you" is the superior response.
It's the perfect f**k you because it shifts all the problems onto the other person. You imply that you are happy and chilling while suggesting they have some things to work out.
Examples could include:
- "I hope you work through your issues to find happiness."
- "It sounds like you have a few things to work through. Good luck with that."
- "Maybe you should seek some help to work on your problems."
A professional response
"With all due respect" is perfect in professional contexts.
You're telling someone to wind their neck in and challenging them without resorting to climbing over the desk and screaming at your colleague to get the hell out of my face.
It starts the sentence by letting someone know you're about to set the record straight.
Everyone knows we have no respect for someone whenever we say "with all due respect."
Leave it up to karma.
You know what they say; you reap what you sow. Rather than sweat it, leave it to karma to dish out the dirty work.
How we behave in this life dramatically impacts what happens to us and how happy we end up.
If this person is already busy sowing negativity, leave them to it. They will create their downfall.
Sometimes silence speaks louder than words. Some people deserve ghosting. It signals to them that you've got far better things to do.
Say it in a classy way.
"I feel sorry for you."
"This isn't worth my time or energy."
"You have a lot going on right now."
"Didn't your mother ever tell you that manners cost nothing"
"I want to be mad, but I'm just so relieved you're out of my life."