Here are reasons why I wish to be 39 forever:
I have no clue what's on MTV.
When people say older folks they're talking about me.
I'm more likely to forget to have sex than to forget to floss.
If I eat chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, I've gained an inch of waistline by dinnertime.
I get a full night's sleep, but look like I was up all night. But not up all night doing something cool.
I'm probably never going to be a Solid Gold Dancer, Soul Train or American Bandstand..
The me in my head is like the foxy little brother of the me in the mirror.
If I strolled across a college campus, people would assume teacher, professor Ph.D!
I'm old enough to finally be admitted to the AARP.
Most days, I choose comfort over style. I'm a traitor to my stilettos.
All the tanning I did is showing up now as brown blotches. Get a Sharpie and you could draw.
The Psychedelic Furs, Duran Duran and The Cure are now considered oldies.
Everything I wore in high school has been appropriated ironically by hipsters.
Only a fortysomething is old enough to remember the TV show Thirtysomething. More irony.
Oooh, my aching back, legs, arms, neck...etc.
Ages 31-39 are a total blur. I'm scared I'll blink and be 100.
I still think 33-year-old gals are hot. And they're like, sir?
Why didn't I take topless pictures of myself when I was younger?
I fantasize about taping up the sides of my face. It takes 10 years off instantly.
Touching my toes is not a guarantee.
Forget 50 Shades of Grey - my nightstand is full of Bengay. The apothecary is open!
I even have one of those days-of-the-week vitamin boxes.
If I buy a turtle it might outlive me.
The bad habits I still have are probably here to stay.
I say things like, "What's the name of that actor, you know, he was in that thing?"
I get a hangover from looking at liquor.
My next milestone birthday is... I forgot!
Did I mention my reading glasses?